If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I met the friendliest cop last night
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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