I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
