I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize