I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
