Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
