glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I think my moral compass just broke
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