Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
