please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
