are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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