So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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