your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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