We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Randomize
