I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She's the barista slut.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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