So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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