Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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