i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
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Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
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And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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