Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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