we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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