Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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