im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
