Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
