We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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