Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
