Moan for me like Helen Keller
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
