Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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