I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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