I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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