WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Do vagina's smell?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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