Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
