it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
