He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
