Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
