I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
