peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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