Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
