I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
