$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
