ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
