i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
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I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
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You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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