I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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