i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I can't put those talents on a resume
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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