i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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