Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
