with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
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