at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
