when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
