I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
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Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
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At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
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