Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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