Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
