What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
