New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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