I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Dick very happy bro
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
