I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
