ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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