wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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