She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
