I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
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