question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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