Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
